Why making people feel like they belong at work is worth it.
Human Belonging – and How we can Build it in the Workplace
Humans have been ‘belonging’ since time immemorial and it is firmly rooted in our evolutionary history. In a very fundamental way, co-operation and group relationships increased our chances of survival - as did cultural evolution and the transgenerational passing down of behaviours such as imitation.
Creating and maintaining strong social bonds was essential to our survival then.
And it is today.
So, what do we really mean by ‘belonging’?
This is where is gets a little tricky; there is no one agreed definition.
The Miriam-Webster dictionary defines belonging as ‘a close or intimate relationship’ inferring that belonging centres around one-to-one relationships. This is undoubtedly an important part of our need to belong, to create friendships and loving relationships and, indeed, procreate.
But is it as simple as that?
Evolutionary psychologists and Ancient Greek Stoic wisdom would suggest not. As Aristotle put it, “man is by nature a social animal”; in other words, humans need to be with other humans, interacting. Ever struggled with isolating or social distancing during Covid? The highly influential psychologists Baumeister and Leary’s belonginess theory argues that our need to belong is a fundamental human need satisfied by frequent supportive interactions with others that are caring and stable. We are innately social beings and need other humans - whether that is family, friends, romantic partners or others - to interact with and be nurtured.
But is even that definition of belonging too limiting?
What about our need to belong to something greater?
Why do we seek to belong to wider groups, such as religious, political, and cultural groups?
Belonging to something bigger than ourselves may give our lives a greater sense of meaning and connections provide comfort, friendship, and social support which in turn help us develop our sense of self when younger and provide important psychological support and a stronger sense of belonging as we age. Interestingly the results of studies that explore the popular idea that men and women experience belonging differently in social groups are mixed and challenged by researchers like Rustin and Foels who argue that differences are about men and women thinking, rather than experiencing, differently about the same social groups.
Abraham Maslow argued in his iconic Hierarchy of Needs that belonging is a fundamental part of human need that sits immediately above our basic physiological and safety needs for survival. Whilst that sounds reasonable – after all without food, shelter, and safety we could not survive – there is also the question of whether this is too simplistic an argument.
Could it be argued that ‘belonging’ is much more fluid?
Does it span all our needs as humans?
Could it even be argued that it is our primary, fundamental need?
When we are born, humans are incapable of feeding and protecting ourselves. If we do not ‘belong’ to someone who provides for us, then our lives would be very short! Way back in 1969, Bowlby asserted that attachment between infants and caregivers is also important as it gives the infant a sense of security from which they can develop securely. In return the sense of purpose and satisfaction a caregiver gets from nurturing another life usually ensures a reciprocal cycle of love, growth and belonging that usually lasts throughout the lifetime, though not always easily. Evidence for our innate need to nurture and develop a sense of belonging is also supported by self-determination theory which suggests that humans have a universal psychological need to care and be cared for by another person.
How do belonging, friendships and relationships change as we age?
As we move through childhood to adolescence to adulthood and old age our need for belonging changes, as do our relationships with others. In adolescence we explore friendships and our self-identity more independently, with the family environment often becoming more confrontational as established familial roles and relationships shift.
Ever had an argument with your 10-year-old about them increasingly wanting more independence?
That is them testing boundaries, theirs and yours.
Ever felt as though that emotional bond with your 14-year-old is being stretched as they want to be with their friends more and you less?
That is them exploring who they are and what is important to them.
This transition can be highly intense and emotionally painful for both children, parents, and other caregivers alike as all attempt to navigate this changing relationship. Parents struggle to let go as their children then become more interested in romantic partners, and adolescents struggle through the strong emotional and physical changes that puberty brings. In this period, it is important that the family support the child so that their sense of parental/familial belonging lasts into adulthood; not easily done as our need for belonging moves from family to peers and friends and dwindles further as children move away from home!
As we move into adulthood our need to belong changes again. We move locations, perhaps multiple times, to study or work, find romantic partners and may settle down to have families. The belongingness hypothesis proposes that we resist the dissolution of existing bonds; but that is not to say that this doesn’t happen. Friendships serve different purposes at different times and whilst intimate friendships can last across the lifespan, some that we once thought would stand the test of time in adolescence change or end as we have new experiences and make new social and emotional connections with different people.
Different people become more important to us and our sense of belonging.
We move from dating in adolescence to living together and marrying/co-habiting and having our own children and, in middle adulthood, our belonging switches to immediate family. Our romantic partners become a physical and emotional part of our lives, lifting us as we share our hopes and dreams and sometimes creating emotional turmoil as intimacy turns sour. Interestingly, research suggest that belonging may be driven by similarity in relationships, challenging the idea of ‘opposites attract’.
Belonging in older age
According to research by David Blanchflower happiness is represented by a U-shaped curve, where happiness decreases after the age of 18 before rising again as we reach old age. Whilst the reason is yet unclear, could it be that as we move into middle and older age, and we tend to reduce our social circles and friendships to those that are most meaningful that we experience a correspondingly deeper sense of belonging?
In older age our need to belong to friendships becomes even more important (an interesting tension in individualistic Western societies that promote the importance of the self over the collective group). Our lives tend to become less transient, and our appreciation of friendships and social connections becomes more acute.
Friendships become more important to meeting our emotional and social needs, and our life experiences teach us their value them more. The death of friends and loved ones and our children themselves growing up and moving on as we age can leave us feeling both physically and emotionally isolated. If there is not something sufficient to replace this sense of isolation it can lead to increased stress and illness as well as a decrease in wellbeing; a study of older adults aged between 61-95 showed that a sense of belonging even predicted more reasons to stay alive and that belonging to supportive groups can also have a profound, positive effect on older adults.
Belonging at work
When we meet new people one of our first questions is not “ So how are you?”, but often “So, what do you do?”.
The importance of our work and careers increases in adulthood and work increasingly forms part of our personal and social identity. We spend a LOT of our time doing, thinking or being at work. It is part of us, or it becomes part of us. We take success, and especially failure, very personally – so personally that it often feels impossible to separate the work from the person.
So – we want to feel valued, like we belong at work.
One of the strongest elements of creating a sense of belonging is embracing diversity (in all it’s forms). When leaders support and value diversity in actions, not just words, organisations are more successful. Recent research by McKinsey has shown that companies who embrace gender diversity at executive level are more likely to outperform those who don’t or do so to a lesser extent. The same was found for ethnic and cultural diversity. Research by PWc found a strong relationship between age diversity and increased company resilience and reduced exposure to risk. Even in healthcare settings, diversity can lead to better patient care quality and financial results.
And it doesn’t stop there.
The recent research around belonging and its impact on businesses is highly convincing.
- Deloitte’s study found that 79% of organisations believe belonging is important for their company’s success.
- BetterUp’s research found a better sense of belonging at work gave a 56% increase in performance, 50% reduction in turnover risk and a 75% reduction in sick days.
- The AWI 2021 Culture Report on Belonging at Work found that fostering a greater sense of belonging at work is an important driver of performance for both the employee and businesses (interestingly in this report women reported a lower sense of belonging, raising questions about gender inequality and cultural roles).
- A 2020 global study by Qualtrics found 20% of employees who felt they didn’t belong were engaged, compared to 91% who felt that they did
- Even cognitive neuroscience has waded in, suggesting that social connectedness and well-being optimises performance and that organisational processes can, literally, change the way our brains work and can contribute to lower self esteem and a reduced sense of belonging.
How can we increase belonging in the workplace?
If you want to improve a sense of belonging at work? You need to move beyond tokenism and create an inclusive and supportive work culture, a thriving workplace based on mutual understanding and appreciation.
You could start here……
1. Invest in people and professional development by…
- building a culture and practice around a growth mindset that normalises stress and failure as learning; transient steps on the way to being and doing better
- providing not just on the job training but also around sleep, stress and mental and physical health
- embedding psychological resilience and confidence
- developing a company policy and practice that honestly addresses mental health, stress and well-being that is actively valued, engaged with and refined over time
- avoiding token gestures that, frankly, everyone just knows is bullshit
2. Build connections by….
- talking to your work colleagues regularly
- asking them how they are both personally AND professionally
- then actually listening to what your colleagues say; ask them about – them
- (and don’t make it about you!)
- leaders modelling work behaviours in an honest, transparent way – “Do as I do”
3. Invest in creating diverse teams so that you may benefit from…………….
- innovation
- improved communication
- financial performance
- more varied experience
- diversity of thought
Want more? Want help to put these things into practice? Do get in touch.
Barry Bray is a teacher turned senior leader turned psychotherapist/coach/speaker with an MSc in Psychology.
He is the Founder of Present Future Self, helping individuals and companies to better sleep, stress management, work performance and mental health. You can follow him on Linked In.